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Back to Blacksburg: My Outlook On Life Has Changed

August 19, 2007

By Victoria Wilson, Guest Columnist

On April 14, 2007, my parents drove down to Blacksburg to watch me receive an award on campus. We spent the evening celebrating the past four years and making toasts to one more year of success — this time as a Virginia Tech graduate student.

On Sunday, we did our typical routine - brunch and shopping downtown. Of course, my brother (also a Hokie) and I managed to con our parents into spending a fortune on food and Tech gear.

After two days of sweet reminiscing, I kissed my parents goodbye and prepared for another grueling week of classes. I remember thinking to myself, "what a perfect weekend." However, this feeling of contentment quickly shattered with Monday morning's tragedy.

April 16 was a blur of desperate phone calls and tight hugs. I don't think I've said, "I love you," so many times in a single day. I just wanted to be with the people I care about in the town I call a second home, so the decision to stay in Blacksburg was an easy one.

The following days were spent comforting friends, visiting campus, and appreciating the little things. I tried to avoid watching the news, but I caught glimpses here and there. It was surreal to see everything unfold on national television. My eyes darted when I saw a familiar face on the screen: Seung-Hui Cho.

I had nightmares about my encounters with him in English classes. At first, I felt guilty. Why hadn't I reported his strange behaviors when I noticed them? Could it all have been prevented?

But after the initial shock and realization that some things are unpreventable, my thoughts focused away from Cho and onto the community. Immediately after the shooting, I wondered, "Will my loved ones be okay?" But after a couple of solemn days in Blacksburg, my thoughts broadened: "Will everyone be okay?"

This is the same question I wonder about today. Will everyone be okay? Obviously, the shooting affected Hokies and Blacksburg residents in different ways. Many still feel outraged and ask, "How could someone do this?" Others are still in shock. And some are too burdened by a deep, personal loss to say much at all.

Am I okay? Yes. Although the shooting did change the way I look at life, it didn't entirely change my life. My current goals and future plans are the same. I still feel safe walking home late at night. I still have a sparkle in my eye when someone asks where I go to school. I still push my youngest brother to get good grades so he can continue the sibling tradition of heading to VT. And I'm still stunned at the beauty of our campus every time I take exit 118B.

But my outlook on life has evolved. For example, I'm more conscious of the way tragedy affects a community. About a week after the shooting, I was walking to my apartment from downtown when I saw a little boy - he was wearing a VT baseball cap and holding his mother's hand.

When he saw me approaching, he dropped his mother's hand and grabbed mine. Our eyes met and I knew what he was expressing. I burst into tears; even a child understood the town's pain. Somehow he knew to reach out to every Hokie to show his support.

This prompted me to bear in mind the heartache people experience every day in communities around the world. Although the shooting was a tragic event, such ruthless acts are common in our world. Three days after the Virginia Tech shooting, CNN reported that more than 200 Iraqi civilians were killed in bombings across the capital within a two-day period. Unfortunately, tragedy is simply an unavoidable component of the human experience.

I would imagine that I've recovered from the event because I didn't have to abruptly say goodbye to loved ones on April 16.

Moreover, my fall semester will be similar to the past four - I'll still attend football games, take trips to the river, and get up every morning for class. But I doubt every Hokie has this luxury. For some, Virginia Tech will forever be associated with grief or anxiety.

It's hard to make sense of it all, but in the end, the Hokie Nation will go on. It may take time - the shooting is still clearly visible in the rear-view mirror - but eventually, the leaves will turn orange and maroon, the Drillfield will get windy, snow will cover Lane Stadium, and spring will come again.

Everyone may not be 100 percent recovered this fall, but hopefully they'll all be "okay."

Victoria Wilson is a graduate student in education at Virginia Tech.